What You Need To Know When. . .

If you visit Brazil no matter how long you stay you might find yourself in certain situations that can get rather uncomfortable fast.  This blog entry is about what you need to know to avoid these awkward situations.

What You Need to Know When. . . you host a dinner party

Obviously time is going to be an issue when you have Americans and Brazilians going to the same function.  I’ve reconciled this by giving Brazilians a fake time.  When I tell them 7 o’clock I would actually be shocked if they show up before 8.  Because I lived in South America last year, when I arrived in Brazil I was already accustomed to this.  There were, however, some other issues that took me a little longer to understand.  For instance, when inviting Brazilians over for dinner one must pay special attention to the drink situation. 

Brazilians are super sensitive to the temperature of their beverage.  If you offer a Brazilian a beer that is anything but extremely cold they will go running for the door.  In fact they have a term for the way they like their beer estupidamente gelado or stupidly cold.  Every bar and restaurant you go to will advertise cold beer.  They try so hard to ensure that the beer temperature lives up to expectations that on several occasions I have had beer that was actually frozen.  It doesn’t stop at beer though.  Even red wine must be cold.  I went to a fancy restaurant and was stunned when the red wine they brought us was colder than my bottled water.

Another thing is if you give a Brazilian a can of beer or soda then make sure you also give them a cup.  Brazilians will not drink anything straight out of the can.  They need a cup or at least a straw.

What You Need to Know When. . . you go out to eat with Brazilians

Just remember this basic Care Bear mantra “sharing is caring!”  You’ll find this in every part of the dining experience in Brazil from ordering to the transportation home.  For starters, don’t expect to get your own menu when you go out to eat in Brazil.  Waiters generally bring 1 menu per table (2 if you’re lucky).  They never make enough menus for a full or even partially full restaurant; I guess that it is just not seen as necessary.  If you go to a restaurant and everyone at your table receives their own menu be warned, this could mean one of two things.  First that the restaurant is expensive or second that the restaurant is no good (which would explain why no one else is there and they have enough menus to spare for a whole table).

Now, if you really want to order your own dish at a restaurant you can.  However, this is the much more expensive option.  Usually plates are made for two or more people; they are made for sharing.  Think Chinese food American style.  Often a main dish will be accompanied by a bunch of side dishes so even if it the menu states that a dish is designed for one person it is usually enough to share.  I’ve resigned to relinquishing any preconceived notions of what I might be eating and let those I’m with do the ordering.  I focus on the only individual part of the meal, beverages.  Though to be honest, this can be a shared experience as well, especially if you are drinking beer.  

Beer tends to come in 21.5 ounce beastly bottles.  Again this is cheaper than the individual option of 12 ounce bottles.  There is a dangerous aspect to this approach as well.  Everyone gets a glass to share the big beer bottle and people are constantly refilling one another’s glasses; so unless you are really careful it’s hard to keep track of how much you actually drink.  The beer that is being drunk at the moment is kept in a giant, plastic-type coozie (of course the beer has to remain cold!) while the empty bottles are put on the ground under the table.  Only hours later when people begin to accidentally kick the glass bottles over because there is no more room for feet, does everyone actually realize how much beer had collectively been consumed.

My main modes of transportation here including walking, taking buses or taxis, and getting rides in friends’ cars, however I have observed a lot of bike riding here.  For a region of Brazil known for being more machismo than the rest, I’m always a little surprised to see two men sharing a bicycle.  Bikes here don’t have pegs so it’s not like what we used to do in middle school where one person pedals and the other stands on the back of the bike, with as little physical contact as possible.  Rather in most cases here one man is pedaling and the other is also sitting on the bike seat or on the bar right in front of the seat.  Pictures coming soon!

What You Need to Know When. . . you are chatting, emailing, or texting Brazilians

Text-speak in the U.S. has become so popular that abbreviations such as LOL, OMG, and LMFAO have made their way into movies, tv shows, and even music.  Thus making them common knowledge to Americans and many Brazilians.  However, the same is not true of Americans recognizing Brazilian text-speak.  There are two abbreviations in particular that I would like to draw attention to.  The first of which is the ever so common “kkk.”  You will likely see this as a comment on Facebook or if you are texting a Brazilian.  Try not to be offended.  Brazil is not raising a whole generation of Neo-Nazis.  Rather, this is the equivalent of writing haha or lol.  In Portuguese a laugh sounds like saying the letter ‘k’ over and over again.  So while there could be string of k’s or simply 2, unfortunately sometimes there are exactly 3, which naturally brings about some not so good sentiments.

Another letter combination that might throw you off guard is the ‘bj’ that is often written at the end of emails or letters.  No, this is not referring to the oral sex act.  It is the shorthand for beijo or kiss.  You’ll se a variety of endearing terms accompanying signatures, including but not limited to kisses, hugs, and big kiss.  It’s true that Brazilians are more informal when it comes to signing letters and emails, even so despite what it may look like nobody has gone as far as to intentionally sign anything “blow job.”

So that’s all I got for now but I’m sure I’ll be back with some more warnings and tips for if you ever find yourself in Brazil or surrounded by Brazilians.